Monday, May 18, 2009


While out running errands today my Mother called to tell me of the death of my cousins' husband. He had chosen to end his own life. What shock that brings, along with anger and many questions. I can't imagine her pain not only today where the shock of it has not even set in but the why's and struggles the family will be left with as they come out of their shock to sort through the why's. How hopeless he must have felt to take his life with no apparent warning. Everyone was baffled today! Not much to say, except I am so sorry.

A year ago our son attempted suicide while we were away at the beach. God had taken me to 2 Chronicles 20 the day before which I thought was for the family members we minister to, but I later realized it was for me as I repeated those verses 15 & 17< " Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God's. You will not need to fight in the battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the LORD, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem! Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the LORD is with you."

As we returned home I kept repeating that verse, "The battle is not yours, stand still and see the deliverance of the LORD." God was in control. He has done such a work in our son since that time. There has been much breaking and molding! I used to try to be in control. God has taught this Mother to let go more and more and allow Him, Who is Sovereign to do the work He wants to do in our son. It has freed me up so much and believe me He does a much better job.

My heart grieves with my cousins family as they sort through the pieces over the coming months. My cousin's first question to me was, "Sandra, did he go to heaven, that is what I am worried about!" My response: "Yes, if he had ever asked Jesus into his heart you can be sure he did." I knew what she meant about him taking his life and how some have taught you won't go to heave. God engraves us on the palm of His hand. His blood has covered us. Once brought into His fold we have the assurance of eternal residence. He promises NOTHING can snatch us out of His hand.

Our little family was spared that day as our son was spared once again from death. We are grateful. I know from the grief of a dear friend, who is like a sister to me, at the loss of her Dad to suicide how devastating that can be. I can't imagine the depths of dispair and the sense of hopelessness someone must feel to take their own life. Please pray for this family.